Have you ever longed for an ex after a breakup? Have you ever continued to love them long after they left your life? If so, listen up.
I am often asked “how do I stop loving my ex?” And the number one thing I say to people is stop trying to stop. The continued love serves a purpose, and it’s an important one.
You see, most people don’t realize this, but the overwhelming majority of our romantic relationships are ones that were predestined long before we came into this life; they are soul-based relationships, ones that have meaning to the soul. Be it the lovey-dovey, deeply connected soulmate relationship everyone dreams of; the more typical soulmate relationship with strong connection, high passion, and high drama; the more karmic soulmate relationship — these can be exceptionally painful and hard; or the soulmate relationship that ends before it starts.
But regardless of what type of relationship it is, every relationship serves a purpose for us. Nearly all come with a soul contract of some sort — and the purpose of the union creates the soul bonds that keep people energetically “connected” long after they’ve broken up and physically left one another’s lives. This is the reason we long for them and still love them, even after they are gone.
The crazy thing is that the duration of the relationship really doesn’t matter either. It can be a relationship that lasted a month but had a profound impact on one or both people. I’ll say it again, the duration doesn’t matter. What matters are the lessons this person came into your life to help you learn, heal, and grow from.
Every single person who comes into our life has the potential to teach us something more about ourselves than we knew the day before.
And each person has the potential to help us learn, heal, or grow in one or more areas where we are ready to.
So the reason the love and the longing can remain even after the person leaves is because there is an energetic bond that’s there. And if you didn’t learn all the lessons, this person came into your life to teach you, while you were together, the bond can remain intact, if you let it, until you have fully healed the places within.
Now, if the relationship was “bad” or hard, that only means that there is a lot that person came into your life to show you about you. Areas where you are ready to heal and develop — wounds you had on the inside that you are ready to explore. This is not to say the other person doesn’t have things to work on as well, but you’re reading this right now so I’m talking about you.
Sometimes there can also be “cording” that’s going on whereby one person is energetically attaching to the other person (and vice versa) and controlling each other’s feelings, longings, love — through energy. Sometimes I paint the picture of a person pulling on another’s strings like a puppet. That’s what cords do sometimes. Cords can make us do, feel, and believe the darndest things, I tell you, so you’ll want to check in on that as well. (Btw, you have the power to cut, clear, and heal cords through techniques, forgiveness, and your own personal healing. I can show you how; just ask.)
In the video below, I talk more in-depth about the love bond that remains and the power it holds to help you transform your life in amazing and mysterious ways. I also talk about a past relationship of mine and how I stayed connected to the love bond with my ex boyfriend for years after we broke up and how powerful it was at healing places within me that were ready to heal.
If you have gone through a breakup and you are currently longing for the other person or wanting the love you feel for them to stop, my best advice to you is to follow what feels right, but know that if you are able and willing to stay connected to the love, it can and will show you the places within that may be really wounded inside, like the places where you harbor fear of losing love, or fear of being betrayed, fears of being abandoned, fears of being unloved, fears of not being lovable, fears of commitment, self-shame, self-hatred, etc. All of this good stuff may be waiting on the inside for you to explore and heal.
Now, in case you’re wondering why you would ever want to feel those feelings and face those fears? There’s a really important reason: If you don’t, they stay there and they continue to affect the kinds of people you attract in and the kinds of people you let stay. And you’ll likely continue to have different relationships that leave you feeling the same way. Why, you may ask? Because your soul is still trying to heal the places where you’re ready to heal (and where you agreed to heal in this lifetime) and so people will keep showing you your wounds. Until you heal them.
It’s that simple. That’s why I allowed myself to stay connected to the energy, the vibration, of the love bond with my ex-boyfriend for as long as I needed to after we broke up — because I didn’t want to ever have a relationship that was so full of love and pain like that ever again. I wanted to heal the places within me that needed to feel so much pain all the time, the places that were so deeply wounded and so deeply afraid. So that I didn’t attract in another partner who needed to shine a light on those painful areas ever again. I wanted to be free of the pain so that I could live my happily-ever-after in peace.
If you’re stuck anywhere or have a question for me, send me a note and I’ll record you a free video response.
With loving kindness,
P.S. I just want to make something clear: The suggestion of staying connected to the love is not about reaching out to your ex-partner and trying to talk/write/be with them. But I am suggesting that the love you feel for them, that longing… it’s real. And the person doesn’t have to be in your physical world for you to feel the power of your love for them and perhaps their love for you. I know that for me, I found a lot of peace in knowing my ex-boyfriend was with me in the only way that honored us both: spiritually. That meant the world to me as I continued my healing journey. And his love supported me so much as I went through hard times, learning just how strong I was and that I was brave enough to do hard stuff with me, myself, and God. The vibration of love can heal us if we let it. It is the most powerful force on earth. It can heal us completely.
Christina Renée Joubert has made it her mission in life to make accessible to all people the knowledge, wisdom, tools, and strategies that can help them reframe their past, transform their present, and change the trajectory of their relationships and lives — now and for generations to come.
At the core of her mission, and all of her work, is one fundamental belief: Personal growth is a right, not a privilege, and the knowledge, wisdom, tools, and strategies that can help should be accessible and expressible to/for/by all. So, she offers her coaching for free at Personal Growth for All™ and Teaching the World to Love™.