• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Personal Growth for All™

Personal Growth for All™

Turning pain into a superpower.

  • Homepage
  • About
  • Ask Christina
  • Free Life Coaching
  • Shop
  • All Coaching Responses & Articles
    • Coaching Responses
    • Relationships
    • Society & Politics
    • Self-Love / Self-Worth
    • Pain & Triggers
    • Addiction
    • Family Dynamics
    • Parenting
    • Work & Business
    • Mindsets
    • In the News

Why Do People Hurt Me So Much?

Dear Christina,

Why do people hurt me so much?

-Kelsea

Dear Kelsea,

Thank you for writing in and thank you for asking such a beautiful and vulnerable question. The short answer is this: People do things that hurt you because you have a wound within you that gets triggered when someone says/does a certain thing. The good news is that if you are feeling the wound, it simply means that you are also ready to heal the wound. And once you heal the wound, you will no longer feel hurt by the same action again. There are likely to be other actions that people will do that hurt, but if you do the work and allow yourself to feel the pain each time (and source the wound as I’ll teach you how to do in this article), you will heal yourself from feeling hurt all the time.

Now, before you can successfully source the wounds, I’d recommend you shift your mindset about this topic. Based on how you asked, why do people hurt me so much?, it sounds like you are stuck in a bit of a fixed mindset and feeling like people are doing things to you. Whenever we get into this type of mindset, we lose our ability to be in our power with our life and we feel like helpless victims. When we’re in that headspace, we can’t even see a way out of it without the other person/situation changing. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be in your full power so that you can heal the places where you feel hurt — so that you can live a blissful, happy life.

The reality is that nothing happens to us, everything happens for us.

So, I’d like you to shift your thoughts and your mindset out of the pattern that something is happening to you and into the pattern that the only reason you are feeling pain is because there’s a place within you that’s ready to heal. And the only way we humans know we’re wounded is if we feel pain — so someone is bringing you the gift of seeing where that place is within you; they are bringing you the gift of pain. So that you can heal it.

I know that may sound weird, but it’s true. You can read more about it in this article on Purposeful Pain.

To shift your mindset, you simply need to think and believe differently. So instead of saying “gosh, everyone is always hurting me” say “gosh, I’m so grateful that I’m being given so many opportunities to heal because I certainly don’t want to spend the rest of my life hurting so much. I will learn what I need to learn and I will heal myself completely.” This shift in your thoughts will allow you to step into a more powerful place and from that more powerful place, you will be able to more clearly see your opportunities to heal.

Watch the video below for more information on turning our pain into a superpower and how powerful (and purposeful) our pain is.



After you’ve begun to shift your mindset and realize how powerful your pain is, the next tool I’d recommend is a five-step sequence I take myself through (and teach to my clients). This five-part sequence helps to find the source of our wounds and to learn how to comfort and soothe ourselves through them so that we no longer need all the tools we’ve used in the past that have kept us stuck, like our addictions, escapes, blame strategies, self-hate, etc.

Now, if the pain that you are feeling is too much and/or you simply need one-to-one support, please seek the help of a licensed mental health specialist, and/or call 988 for immediate support.


Exercise to Learn How to Find/Heal Our Wounds

  1. Write a letter — THAT YOU’LL NEVER SEND — to the person you feel is doing something hurtful. In the letter write out all the feelings you are feeling and all the emotions that are coming up. Be as honest as you can be, trusting that as soon as you’re done with this exercise, you will rip the paper to shreds. Do not ever send this kind of letter to another person. It’s not really intended for their consumption. Your pain is your own and it’s based on what your life has taught you. It’s not about them. The purpose of writing the letter is to find the source of your pain and your wounds that are ready to be healed by you.
  2. Find every place in the letter where you are trying to blame the other person for your feelings, and find the places where you see repeating themes in your life (e.g. always feeling like you don’t matter; are overlooked; feel like you’re made to feel ugly or unworthy, unappreciated, etc.). Determine if your feelings are rational or irrational. Watch this video to help make this determination. If the feelings are irrational, meaning they are grounded in some past hurt then use the Inner Child technique below to help you to feel and heal the old wound. If the feelings that come up are rational, then you’ll need to find the words to express yourself to yourself (and/or to the other person) and/or protect your tenderness from this person/situation. You can and should still use the Inner Child technique to help comfort and soothe yourself through the hurt feelings. And you can write into me if you’re confused on whether your hurt is rational or irrational and/or if you need help learning how to use your words to express yourself / protect your tenderness (which is an inside job).
  3. Think back to your childhood and see if you ever felt the same way growing up. Make note of it as it will be helpful when you do the Inner Child tool.
  4. Hold yourself as the grownup you are now and comfort the place within you that’s still wounded from those earlier memories and experiences. Use the video below titled How to Nurture Yourself . It gives instructions on how to comfort ourselves in a really effective and nurturing way.
  5. Forgive the other person (hurt people hurt people), forgive yourself for not yet knowing the tools to better protect yourself, and show love to yourself (the technique in the Nurturing Yourself video above will teach you this).


I hope this Free Coaching Response was helpful to you. I know what it’s like to feel hurt all the time. I, too, used to be very easily wounded by the thoughts, feeling, actions, and opinions of others. And, by the grace of hard work, God, and personal growth, I’ve learned the tools and strategies required to no longer feel so miserable and so stuck. Some of these tools and strategies are the ones I’ve shared with you in this post. I know you have the power to learn all this as well. I believe in you. And I believe in a miraculous and joyous life for you.

If you’d like to share a specific situation that’s making you feel hurt and get free coaching on that, please do so here and I can be more specific in my response as well.

With love, gratitude, grit, and grace,

Share Tweet Share Email Share Print Share Share Share

Filed Under: Pain & Triggers, All Articles, Coaching Responses, Personal Growth Articles, Self-Love / Self-Worth

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

About

Christina Renée Joubert
Christina Renée Joubert

Hi, I’m Christina, founder of Personal Growth for All™. I believe that personal growth is the cause and a happy life is the effect. So I teach people how to grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically so that they can heal their pain, patterns, and programming and cause the life they want to live. If you’re going through a struggle and you’d like help, write in to me here and tell me what’s up and I’ll create for you a free, personalized coaching response to help you break free and get unstuck. No strings attached. No BS.

#personalgrowthforall #itstime

SOCIAL MEDIA COMING SOON!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube

E-mail Newsletter

Sign up to be notified when new content is loaded.

Privacy Policy

Get Free Coaching

SUPPORT THE MISSION. GET YOUR GEAR NOW.

More Free Coaching Responses

Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to love someone you hate? I mean, why the hell would anyone want to do that?! Well, read on. There’s a really important reason why. Loving someone you hate. It’s probably one of the most difficult concepts to grasp. And probably one that seems illogical. Why on earth […]

Did you know that almost every emotional reaction you have is a result of some past experience, some past painful moment, that is being expressed in the present? And that it’s possible to clear the old pain so that you can live more happily in the present moment? Sounds bizarre, I know. But, perhaps a […]

Did you know that oftentimes we find ourselves in relationships and situations that don’t feel good simply because we never took the time to really consider what would feel good? Think about that. When’s the last time that you sat down and envisioned what your perfect job would look like and feel like? When’s the […]

Categories

  • Addiction
  • All Articles
  • Coaching Responses
  • Family Dynamics
  • Get Free Coaching
  • Mindsets
  • Other Articles
  • Pain & Triggers
  • Parenting
  • Personal Growth Articles
  • Relationships
  • Self-Love / Self-Worth
  • Society & Politics
  • Work & Business

Footer

The MOVEMENT

To change the way society engages mental, emotional, and spiritual growth so that it’s accessible and expressible to/for/by all.

#personalgrowthforall #itstime

Recent

  • What to Do When Your Boss is Blocking Your Career Growth
  • Why can’t I accomplish my dreams?
  • How do I handle a “friends with benefits” situation?
  • Why do I feel disconnected from my partner every time there’s conflict?
  • How do I handle a recent breakup?

Search

Legal

  • Terms & Conditions
  • Terms of Service for Store Purchases
  • Privacy Policy
  • Refund Policy
  • Shipping Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Teaching the World to Love, LLC · 407 N. Pacific Coast Highway, Box 279, Redondo Beach, CA, USA · All of the content and services on this site are for spiritual, educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only and not considered medical or mental health advice. Engaging this website, in any way, means you agree with all of the legal terms and policies linked above.