I have dreams for my life, but I fear success.

Hey there, it’s Christina. So I have a video that I’m going to record for somebody who wrote in to the website, personalgrowthforall.com. And here’s what he said in his submission. I was doing some reflecting. And it came to my attention that in a way I fear success, mainly because I’ve never really accomplished anything yet not not really anything to brag about. Anyway, I was thinking to myself about how much I’d make if I do my first real estate deal. Even on the low side, I’m looking at, if I’m looking to make a five figure profit, that would be the most amount of money that I I’ve ever earned up front of my life, I wouldn’t even know what to do with it all. Then there is the pressure from my friends and family wanting some of my earnings looking for a handout. I’m a nice guy. But I don’t want to be nagged, especially by the same people who chastised me, shamed me, and worst of all, never believed in me or my vision, what should I do? Okay. So first of all, thank you so much for to the person who wrote in and asked this question. And thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing it with me and with all the rest of us who are here to learn from it. So a couple things that come to me immediately. So it’s not uncommon for people to have a fear of success. And it’s interesting, because something that you also call out is like, I wouldn’t even know what to do with this amount of money, like I’ve never had this kind of money before, so I wouldn’t know what to do with it. So it’s interesting, because sometimes, believe it or not, one of the things that blocks us is a fear of the unknown, right. So a fear of the unknown can keep us from taking our next best steps, if we don’t know what the outcome is going to be. So we’re not sure how we can control it, or if we’re going to like it, or if it’s going to work to our advantage. So it sounds it feels like to me, you may very well have some pictures in your mind and some fears of the unknown, that are actually blocking you from being able to create the successful experience that you want to have. So it’s really interesting, and I’m gonna break it down for you in this way. So you may have in your mind that like, I want to do these real estate deals, and I want to be successful, and I want to earn you know, 567 figure returns on my on my investments. But maybe you haven’t done your first deal yet, right? And you can’t figure out why you can’t do it. And maybe Of course, there’s the physical world stuff like financial aspects and like not being financially ready, not having a partnership and not having a strategy, all of that, like I get all that. But all that kind of comes once we get into alignment with like, removing all the fears and the obstacles to it. And so if you have a fear of the unknown, like, I wouldn’t even know what I’m going to do with that money. And how can I trust it the people that have shame that have shamed me, my whole life won’t come and try and take it from me and like, all these other things, and those unknowns may be preventing you from actually taking those next steps, because you’re trying to solve for that which you don’t know how it’s going to happen. And so it might actually prevent you from stepping forward. So the first thing that I would really recommend that you do is create a memory of the future that hasn’t happened yet for yourself and for your brain. So our brains literally don’t know the difference between what’s really happening and what we are imagining is happening. And so you can create a memory in your brain of how you want to use that money or spend that money when you have that money. So that you can rest assured and find some sense of, of peace and understanding that this isn’t an unknown anymore, like you can create, you can make the unknown unknown. So for example, the way that this could look, you could very easily write down like, Okay, let me see, what did you write here? I wouldn’t even know what to do. If I had that much money, I’ve never had that much money in my life, I wouldn’t even know what to do with it all. So here’s what you can do, you can write a list of what you would do with it. So let’s say that you aim to have a return of like, let’s just say on the low end, like $50,000. Right, and you’re next in your first real estate deal. So with that $50,000 How much are you going to reinvest in your next property? What else can you do with the money? Where do you need to pay your bills? Or are you looking at making that you know, keeping a day job or whatever it is, and buying your first property and then taking the money you make the profit and reinvesting it. So what does that look like? What’s your next property going to look like that you’re going to reinvest in? Is it going to be better than the last one? Is it going to be similar to the last one with $50,000? In profit by you? Do you have any other capital that you can attach to that 50,000 that will help you to buy the next property or does the 50,000 or the anticipated profit going to be enough to cover you know, down payment or whatever it is that you need to do to invest in the next property? Right? So you can bring in other words, you can bring the unknown of I wouldn’t know what to do with that money into the known, right. And so then if we look at it, and we attach to because you have these pain pictures that you’ve attached to your What about the people that you know, my friends and family that have shamed me not believed in me wanting a piece of my money and piece of this and that? So let’s say that you set up a plan that says like, this is how because like, you know, if you’re buying and selling real estate, let’s say for a business, and I’m not a real estate agent, I don’t know how that works. But let’s just say it’s your business, then, you know, there’s it’s not necessarily that what you make in profit is what you take in compensation for yourself, right? If you set up an LLC, or some sort of business entity that holds that money, you’d have to actually pay yourself from that entity. It’s a separate bank account, or it should be so that you’re actually paying yourself from that entity. So let’s say you hold the money in your LLC because you’re using it to reinvest in your next project. act or to, you know, cover the cost of renovations and your next project, whatever it is. So I think for you, you have to set up that memory of the future hasn’t happened yet and kind of write out like, what is my strategy with getting into this business or being in the real estate business is it to buy multiple properties, if so, am I committing to reinvesting back in because if you are, then it’s really simple with like family and friends, I mean, aside from needing to have strong healthy boundaries, which means that like, just because you make it doesn’t mean they’re entitled to it, right. And so you have to kind of know that, but then there’s also the practical component of just because you’ve made a profit doesn’t mean that you have a profit to be able to go and spend on the next cool vacation, it may already be committed to your next business transaction. Right. And so you need to kind of get clear with yourself on that, like, what component is like true profit, versus just profit that will be reinvested back in the business, and then how are you going to navigate those things? So I think in other words, if you remove some of those unknown factors, and give them some semblance of knowingness, you know, so like you have a plan of some sort, then it helps the mind to be able to reduce any fear that it’s created. That’s unnecessary fear, right? Like fear that, like doesn’t have to be there. Because you can make some of those unknowns more known to yourself. So I would say that’s the, like, the just practically speaking, that’s the practical step that I’d recommend you take to help you to begin to know what you would do with that money, right? When it comes to you. And to also think practically about it. Because you may subconsciously have a fear that says, like, if I get all that money, I’m gonna go and blow it all. And then I’m screwed, right? You see that happen a lot with like, people in Hollywood, or people that become really famous overnight, or a lot of like pro athletes, you know, they spend and live this, like, really luxurious life. And then they get out of the business, you know, they they get hurt, whatever. And then they ended up being broke and poor the rest of their life because they didn’t really have a plan. Like maybe they grew up without a lot of money, and then got all this money and fame and spent it all and lived luxuriously, but didn’t really set up a plan that would keep paying them throughout the rest of their life, no matter what happened with their careers. So I would recommend that you create a plan for how you’re going to reinvest, and you make the unknowns known because that, like I said, that fear that you may be feeling, maybe, in part because you don’t have a plan. But also because since you haven’t had that kind of money, you don’t know that you can trust yourself with it, and still be able to, like live your dream and thrive and not get pulled into some old patterns. Like I don’t know if you’ve ever had a pattern with a problem with like drugs or alcohol or whatever. But sometimes people are afraid of like that unknown when they, when they last had that kind of financial freedom and certain things happen. And I’ll give you an example, just from my own experience. When I was in corporate America, I was really successful financially. And, like working through, like everything that I went through in corporate America, like just I guess the things about me and the way like I loved what I did, I love to I did it for and what I loved working with my clients are a lot of things. But I also took a lot of, I had a lot of habits that were with me during that time period, I drank a lot, I smoked a lot like I have a lot of addictions, a lot of withdrawals, a lot of coping mechanisms that I had to help me cope with that which was my life and that which I didn’t know how to deal with. And so when I started to create the pictures of my future as an entrepreneur, as an entrepreneur, like when I was already in that space, I wanted to create like new pictures and like, what do I want this future look like the next year, I would get a little bit panicky a little bit when I would start to think about making the kinds of money that I made before. And I didn’t understand why. And a mentor of mine actually pointed out that like our central nervous system remembers, like how we were and how we felt when we were doing certain things in the past, right. So he pointed out to me that perhaps my central nervous system, remember that the last time I was making lots of money, I also didn’t know how to cope with my life and that I was still in a place of addiction and fear. So there was this, even though I know that I would never go back to using alcohol or drugs or cigarettes or anything like I have long since passed that there’s still something in the body that remembers and remembers what it was like. And so it’s really about going back and clearing that energy, if you will, and making sure that you set the picture of like, okay, like, wow, I didn’t realize that that was still there. So let me just be really clear and intentional going forward and writing out. Like what is my plan? Like, what is the process that I’m going to follow? When I come into this money again, what are the things that I know that I need to be aware of that could try and lure me into a different direction that I need to just be mindful about so that I don’t go off the path that I want to be on right? So again, it’s calling it into our conscious mind that we might have some subconscious patterns that we’re still a precedent or a life that we’re bringing into our conscious mind. And once we bring the subconscious into the conscious, then we’re able to do something about it, the subconscious doesn’t continue to, like wreak havoc on our life. And we’re just kind of along for the ride. And like, you know, being tumbled around in a dryer, so we’re back in our power again. So hope that makes sense to you that make the list and make the unknown known about what you would do when you’re successful. And then also, you know, kind of build out your plan to for your life, like, what do you want your life to look like? Do you want to own a home? If you do, where do you want the home to be? What do you want it to look like? Is it like an oceanfront home? Are you okay? Being in a condo downtown? Like, what is it that you need to save in order to be able to have that home for yourself to live in as well. Because once you start creating those pictures, also, then you can create a plan for how you’re going to achieve them, you can also create a plan for what portions of the profits when you sell properties, what portion of the profits need to go to your life personally to cover your personal overhead and your wants and your needs as a human being and then what parts need to go into the business. And those will also those those factors will also help you to understand like, what properties are going to end up being like a good investment, right? And give you a good return on your investment, once you’re clear about what your return needs to be. Because you’ll understand like, what are the different things you need to cover? So I think it’s just bringing it the unknowns into the known. So I hope that that makes sense. As it relates to like pressure from family and friends and wanting some of your earnings and like looking for a handout. That’s when you’re just gonna have to get really crystal clear with yourself and like really? Like, how can I say this, I think for most of my life, I felt like my good fortune. Or that which I worked really hard for was like, that was not worthy to keep, you know that, like I needed to give it away to everybody and make sure everybody else was taken care of and happy. And then I arrived at a place where I knew that if I wasn’t taking care of myself, and giving myself what it was that I that I needed, and allowing myself to keep what I needed in order to stay happy, then I was doing myself a disservice. And so I guess the long story short on this one is it’s really going to come down to you having boundaries and recognizing that the money you earn is yours due to your hard work. And that you don’t have to share it with anyone that if you want to share it with people, then amazing, great. Please do because like, the reason why we have, we’re given more, it’s because that means we have more to give. But giving it would need to come from the right place in you, you know, if you’re giving it out of expectation, I people have expectations and you and you feel like if you don’t, then you’re gonna lose their love or you’re not okay or whatever, then like those with the wrong reasons to give. But if you’re wanting to give just because like you have surplus and excess, and you know that giving will make someone else’s life easier or better than that’s amazing. And it will fulfill you. And it’ll also keep the cycle going of giving and receiving within you. So like we have to be able to give and receive, you know, in order to feel fulfilled. Like there’s a lot of people out there who have a lot of money, but don’t feel fulfilled, right. And so you have to be in the divine flow and that current of currency of giving and receiving. So I think on that one, it’s just about recognizing that you have to have those healthy boundaries. And that it’s not your responsibility to lift other people up with your financial success. But it could be your honor, to do it. Right. It could be like your honor and your pleasure, especially when you have more than enough, right more than enough. But then just recognizing who and how you share that is not going to be indicative on like, who you share it with, but how it makes you feel to share. So if it makes you feel good to share and to give than you do, if it takes from you or it doesn’t make you feel good to give it to share it to certain people then you don’t, even if those people are your flesh and blood, right, if it doesn’t feel good, if it’s not coming from like an inspired good place and you then you don’t have to share it with them. And so the the sad thing would be is if you never go after your dreams, because you spend too much time afraid of the things that you think might happen of like people coming after it, especially if you’re already in resentment of the people who are going to want a piece of what you haven’t made yet. If you’re already there and you stay there, you’ll never get to where you want to be because all of these different perceptions are going to block you from being able to actually take your next best step. So you just have to clear it. And you have to trust him, let me make clear it is you have to trust yourself and know that one, like they’re not going to have your pin number and your bank account number so they don’t have physical access to your money unless you give it to them. And then if they ask you and you don’t want to give it to them and they get mad at you, you’re going to have to remember that their pain about that has nothing to do with you. Right, their pain about their own financial situation or what they want from you that they’re not getting from you is about where they’re at. It’s not about where you’re at. So you have to separate what they want from you, from what you feel inspired to give to them. Now, you may find that as you journey through life and you become financially successful, and you have all this abundance that you may find it is your greatest gift and pleasure to be able to give to, let’s say, your mother, financial abundance, and we buy her a home and retire her and do all these amazing things, regardless of how she cheated you growing up, right? Because you’ve grown to know that she did everything she could, even if it wasn’t as much as you wanted her to. And you’ve have forgiven her and you love her. And you have so much abundance that you don’t want her to struggle on another day in her life because her life has been hard. And so you want to be able to create an environment for her where your mom can finally thrive for the first time in her life. Don’t cancel that possibility out either. Right when we find peace in our heart, because like what I read, and you’re like, I’m a nice guy, but I don’t want to be nagged, especially by the same people who chastise me shamed me And worst of all, never believed in me and my vision like that screams pain, right? It’s like that’s like I already have pain about the people that are no are going to ask me when they have never believed in me, and they have shamed me and chastised me my whole life. And I know they’re going to ask and so I’m already in pain about the future that hasn’t happened yet. Right? Like you’ve already created the pictures in your mind. Remember, our brains will remember what we tell it. Like, your brain already believes this is a foregone conclusion. And so it’s like, I shouldn’t take those next steps. Because this is an outcome that’s unacceptable. Right? So what your job is, is to reframe this for yourself and to retrain your brain to think about it differently. That’s not the foregone conclusion, it may be a foregone conclusion that they’re going to ask, but so too, does a baby when they want a piece of candy, right? It doesn’t mean you gotta give it to him, right? It just means that they have needs that they aren’t able to meet by themselves, and they’re going to ask you for it, that’s, it’s going to happen, right? But you have to realize just because they ask doesn’t mean you have to give. And if you don’t have it to give, and you certainly don’t have to give you do have to give but it doesn’t feel good to give, then you don’t give because it’s not coming from the right place in you. And so I think you need to get really clear with yourself that you have the power here, that that that you have the power to dictate who and how you share your wealth. And your desire to share your wealth should be predicated on whether it feels inspiring to do so. Right and to which entity or person or experience, it feels inspiring to do it for if it feels heavy, or it feels loaded, or it feels full of expectations, or resentment, like those are all the reasons not to give. They’re not coming from the right place or coming from pain. But when it feels inspiring, you should open up to it and allow it to because that means you’ll be back into the flow of giving and receiving right. And again, like don’t, don’t train your brain to believe that you won’t one day find peace and forgiveness for all those people who chastise you shamed you and didn’t believe in you or your dreams, because you may very well find peace for them to you may come to the point where you realize that it was never that they didn’t believe in your dreams is that they didn’t have dreams for themselves. And so they couldn’t foresee or be able to believe in a dream for you. Right? Like, you may find compassion for them. And for all the ways that they, you know, you believed that they shamed you or whatever, that really they were just projecting onto you their own pain, and you may grow to the place in your own constitution of who you are, where you have compassion for people like that. And you can let them be exactly where they are, and feel exactly what they feel. And you can love them anyway. And you can help them anyway. And you can share your wealth with them anyway, because you have it and you want to make the world a better place and you want to love, you want them to be in a better place, and you want to do whatever you can be creative for them. So you may find peace with that too. And what I want you to take from this and what I want you to train into your brain and that you have the power to be able to create that experience for your life, you have the power to be able to decide who and how you share your wealth, you have the right to decide who and how you share your wealth. And there is nobody that can take that from you. They can ask but only you that can give it away. And only you that can violate your own spirit and your own soul by giving it in a way that doesn’t feel good to you. That’s nobody else’s fault. Like that’s nobody else’s fault. If you do that, that’s your own fault. That’s your own fault for not having the boundaries necessary to protect you and your feelings in your right to your wealth into your experience of it into your sharing of it how and in whatever way feels inspiring to you. So I hope that this was helpful to you. Again, it’s about creating pictures in your mind that allow you to make known the unknown and set a roadmap I guess if you will up for yourself like some like, you know, I get the picture of like, you know, you go to the bowling alley and there’s like the kids lanes and they have those like blow up things in the in the in the side rails like those blow up little bumper things and the ball bounces off of those rather than goes in the gutter. Right I feel like you’re creating a plan or at least writing down like how am I going to spend this money when it comes? helps to kind of give you those bombs berserk, so you don’t go into the gutter, you know, and like go down a path that is destructive. When you have abundance or excess wealth, like so many people don’t know how to handle abundance, and whether that’s abundance of love and abundance of wealth, meaning financial wealth, and abundance of joy. Like a lot of times those different thoughts are those different, like what I would call vibrations also, like trigger pain in us. And just from personal experience with me, like I used to be in a place where I would need a drink just as much if I felt too much joy, as if I felt too much pain. Because for me, Joy put me into this place when I was just afraid of losing it, or like it would light up pain in my body. So it would remind me of, like, all the times that weren’t joyful, or that every time something good really happened in my life, something terrible happened. And so that I would start being afraid of the terrible, right, and I would need something like a cigarette or train to like, bring me back to a balanced place. So I didn’t get carried away with joy with being too happy. Because anytime I in my life had been too happy, like, I lost love or something happened that was devastating thereafter. So just know too that like until you like create the right pictures with the right bumpers that can be safe, like, you may have these other experiences other these other like pictures that pop in, but they don’t have to stay like it doesn’t mean that like that you have to let them stay, you can begin to create a pathway for yourself that allows you to decide, like how you’re going to be when you have this level of wealth. And when you have this abundance, and you don’t have to stay afraid. Like Like, like I had to process like I shared with you, I had to process when I thought about going back into that very financially abundant space, like I had to realize, like I still had the fear of if I’m there, does that mean that I have to drink to cope that I have to smoke to cope that I have to escape my life to feel like I can keep living? Right. And so I had to retrain my central nervous system, I had to retrain my brain to remember and to realize, like, I’m not the woman today that I was then like, I know how to comfort and soothe myself. Now I know how to feel what I need to feel without needing to escape it, I know how to communicate my feelings, I know how to express myself in healthy and productive ways. And so I don’t need to hold on to the old fear of if I have this, then this is my response to it. Right. But it’s about retraining and creating the new neural pathways in our brain that now allow us to pull in our new intelligence, and to create that picture of the future that hasn’t hasn’t existed yet, and to cement it in your brain. And I’ll just give you another quick example of what that looks like to so a lot of my work in this world is, is speaking on stages, it’s doing a lot of public speaking. Well, I’ve always been the kind of person that like I’m afraid to be seen, like, most of my life has been 10 minutes afraid to be seen. So a lot of my training with getting ready for lots of public speaking is to imagine myself speaking in public and to see the audience and to practice what I say and to do all of this. And this was years of training my brain to be ready for what it is that I’m here to do and what I love doing, but making sure that I was ready for it emotionally ready to be able to handle being seen. And so it’s again, creating a memory of the future that hasn’t existed yet. So when that happens when it actually happens, you’re not going to buckle or break. Right, you’re prepared. You’ve prepared yourself for it. And I used to do the same thing in corporate America was prepared for meetings in advance, you hear people say, like I’m preparing for the meeting, right? But for me, I would go through my presentation, and I would play it out and what was the story? And what was the flow and what was the like all of this because I wanted to prepare myself for the meeting. So that I knew how it would unfold. Right. And of course, there’s always things you can’t predict. But when you have a command of your material when you’ve planned, right, then you have a roadmap. And if there’s deviations from that, you’re able to get back onto the right track because at least you know where you’re going. And I’m gonna give you one last story before I quit from Simon Sinek. I was watching a video with his not too long ago. And he said if you’re really clear about the destination, that it doesn’t matter what comes in your way, because you’re able to go around it and the picture he gave like the the illustration he gave this was so beautiful. He said Imagine you’re in a room and there’s nothing in the room, but you one of the person in a chair. And the person says to you, I want you to go from this corner of the room to this corner of the room. And you go okay, so you start walking. And then he comes up and he puts a chair in front of the person that was walking. And so the person walks around the chair and continues on to the end of the room. Right? That was their destination, they had a plan they need to get together into the room. So when a block or something came in to block them, they just knew they had to go around like pivot a little bit, you know, go a different direction, adjust to get to the destination. And then he said to the person, okay, just start walking. And so the person started walking, and then he put a chair in front of them and the person stopped and they have nowhere to go. They were like What do you want to do? You stopped me? Right? Because clear. Like let’s be clear on this. They had no plan they had no destinations. So when a chair was put in front of them that blocked their path, they stopped and didn’t know what to do next. Right. So I feel like you’re in this place right now where you have this picture that stopping you have like, all this future that hasn’t happened yet this unknowns, right that you don’t know how to handle it, because you’re not super clear on your destination. So if you get clear in the destination and say, Hey, I’m going to invest in my first property, and when I have the profits from that property, I’m going to reinvest that money in my next property, then it’s really clear, there’s no room for anybody else to come and take your stuff and there’s no room for you to fail. Because you know what you’re going to do, you’re going to reinvest that, or I’m going to reinvest 75% of it, I’m gonna pull 25% out and go on the best vacation have ever been on around the world, whatever it is, but you have a plan, right? So you know the destination, you know what you’re gonna do next with it. And you can be in your power with your decisions in the present moment and in your power with your pictures that you create about the present moment and where it is that you want to go. So I hope this is helpful to you. And if you have any other questions, feel free to write in. If anybody else if you’re watching this and this sparks something in you and you want to write in, please go to personalgrowthforall.com I’d love to record you a coaching video too. So I hope you’re well take care