Dear Christina,
Not long ago, I saw one of your videos talking about the inner child. I started talking and praying to my inner child to try to heal him and to heal me. I know a lot of people have had bad experiences and some way worse than me, but what concerns me is that there’s so much unusual pain of not knowing what real love is. I think I do, but it seems it’s not in my cards in life. I’m just trying to learn to love myself and I spend a lot of time to myself especially during Covid. I’m confused with life sometimes. I have trust issues — maybe I set my standards too high — but I feel low. I know my heart is good but I’m cautious about sharing it unless I feel the same wave links inline with each other. There are a lot of things I need to address and heal if it’s possible. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but every now and then I feel maybe there’s hope and I don’t want to leave this world not having meaning in my soul.
-Bill
Dear Bill,
Thank you so much for writing in. Your submission inspired me to record you a video telling you just how much you matter and just how much your presence in this world matters.
So often in life we get beaten down by events, circumstances, and the pain associated with life not happening the way we want it to. And so often the pain, disappointment, and fear leave us feeling like we don’t matter and like our lives don’t matter in this world.
When I read your words, my heart choked. Because you matter. In fact, you matter more than you may ever know and I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you just how much.
I also wanted to give you one of my wacky (yet powerful) energy tools that I use daily to help me clear away junky thoughts, other people’s thoughts and emotions, and energies that no longer serve me to hold on to. I know that when you watch the video, the tool may seem a little “out of this world” — haha — and that’s ok. If you use it regularly, I promise it will help you to not feel so much pain all the time and it will help you to not feel so low all the time. And equally important, the tool shows you how to take in more light.
One of the things that so few people realize is that we truly have the power to release thoughts and feelings that aren’t ours, don’t feel good, and no longer serve us. And we have the power to take in more of the thoughts, feelings, and experiences we want to have. The tool I give you in the video is a good first step in starting to clear away some of the junk — especially when bad thoughts (or stinking thinking) come out of nowhere. I usually tell people that when the bad thoughts come out of nowhere, they’re likely not even your thoughts and you can use this tool to release them — pronto!
Now, I know that in this video response, I didn’t directly address some of what you wrote in your submission, but what I felt was so much more important to share with you was this unbelievable amount of love and gratitude that I have for you — real love — love borne of the spirit, and real gratitude for you just being you and doing as you do. I hope you can feel it.
One thing I’ve learned is that once we can feel something for the first time, we get “attuned” to it, and then we can call it in whenever we want. May you feel the pure love and trust that your heart is not just “good” as you wrote in your submission . . . it’s perfect. The other stuff (pain, fear, trust issues, etc.) sits on top of the pure, beautiful heart you already have. Spend more time visualizing and imagining the perfect, pure, loving heart you already have and you’ll draw into your life people and experiences that match and mirror your beautiful heart, including people who can see your beautiful heart and honor it as well.
And remember, where our thoughts go, energy flows. And where there is light, there cannot also be darkness. Stay focused only on what you want to experience and reject all thoughts that are in opposition to what you want. When bad thoughts come, acknowledge them and then release them. Practically speaking, this looks like this: “Hi, fear and doubt. I see you and I know you’re here because you think you’re protecting me. I appreciate the role you’ve played in my life to keep me “safe”, but I’m learning new ways to protect myself and I don’t need you anymore. I am safe to explore new feelings. I’m safe to feel happy. I’m safe to feel like I matter in this world, so any thoughts to the contrary, I lovingly release with gratitude and respect and mercy. Thank you for being here. It’s now time for me to learn new thoughts and new feelings. I am safe to begin feeling loved. I am safe to begin feeling supported. I am safe to let love in. I am safe to be loved. I am safe to feel joy and I no longer need to fear losing it. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am free to live in peace, love, joy, and harmony. I am safe to live a meaningful, fulfilling life. I am safe to pursue my destiny.”
You see, all that I just wrote is a form of programming that if you begin to adopt and utilize as your own, you will begin to program your mind to bring forth the experiences and feelings you want to have rather than the ones you don’t.
As human beings, our minds are incredibly powerful — and our minds don’t know the difference between what’s really happening and what we are imagining is happening. Our brains simply take in information and then send signals to our body and our bodies respond accordingly. For example, if you watch a scary movie, your brain will literally think you’re in danger and it will send signals throughout your body that cause your fight-or-flight responses to kick in, such as your heart begins racing, shots of adrenaline start pumping throughout (preparing your body to fight for its survival), etc. Your body believes there is danger because your brain received information that suggested that was true. And that’s simply because your brain can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one.
Similarly, if you were to close your eyes right now and imagine that you’re sucking on a juicy, sour lemon. Your mouth will begin to water and your salivary glands will begin to produce additional amounts of saliva, consistent with exactly what would happen if you really were sucking on a juicy lemon. Your brain got the signal — from the information you gave it in the form of imagination — that it needed to create extra saliva so that your teeth and gut were protected from the acid in the lemon that you were eating and so your brain sent the signal to your body to create more saliva. EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE NOT EATING A LEMON. You were only imagining that you were.
Consequently, you can see that our thoughts create forms of reality for us. And our thoughts create physical responses in our bodies. Negative thoughts create less-than-desirable experiences and responses in our bodies. Positive thoughts create more desirable experiences and responses in our bodies. As a result, wouldn’t it make sense for each of us to develop greater control over our thoughts? In order to do this, we have to begin getting really conscious with the thoughts we have. And we have to be willing to hold ourselves accountable for changing the thoughts we have or reframing them when the thoughts we are having are not the thoughts we want to have anymore.
I’ll give you a really clear example. Recently my mom was hospitalized, intubated for around 10 days, and nearly died. It seemed that everything about my life was changing in ways I did not expect and could not control — and there was nothing that was going the way I wanted it to. I found myself starting to feel overwhelmed and angry. Angry at the traffic that slowed me down. Angry at the stores that didn’t have what I needed. Angry at the hotels that were crappy. Angry at every red light I hit. Angry at not being able to find parking in the hospital parking lot. Angry at all the circumstances that I felt were forcing me off my path and angry at all the circumstances that were not flowing as easily and gracefully for me as they normally do. And then as quickly as these all these angry thoughts arrived, I also remembered my tools and my mindset strategies. So I began to shift my thoughts, one by one. Because I know that nothing happens to us and everything happens for us. And so all these feelings that were creeping in of something happening to me, I knew were not true — I knew the anger that was arising in me was my invitation to reframe and change my thoughts so that I could stay open to changes that were happening around me — the changes that were happening for my highest and greatest good (no matter the outcomes—everything is always happening for our highest and greatest good—even when it doesn’t feel like it).
So I began to say to myself, “It’s normal to be angry when life throws you curve balls and sets of circumstances you can’t control. It’s normal to feel like you’re drowning when you’re trying to manage unexpected and overwhelming circumstances alone. It’s normal to feel like you’re losing your cool and losing your ability to stay peaceful and graceful when you feel blocked every which way you turn. It’s normal to feel afraid as hell when every last one of your senses of security is ripped unexpectedly from you. It’s all normal. AND, YOU ALSO KNOW THAT NOTHING HAPPENS TO YOU AND EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR YOU. And so you can stay angry and focus on all the shit that’s not going the way you want it to OR you can focus on the knowing that all this earth-shattering change is happening because it is time to break away from all your old, worn-out ways of being and it’s time to create new patterns and new programs for yourself and the only way any of that can happen is if the old patterns and programs leave, so as much as you want to be angry at this, remember that you asked to live the life of your dreams and to have what you want you must be willing to surrender to what is and let go of everything that’s blocking the progressive unfolding of your dreams. Your life had become stagnant. And now you are free again. This current moment is happening, and it’s happening for you. Change always brings change. Embrace it. You’re safe. You always have been and always will be. You’re safe. Find your power in this. Choose how you want to respond to all the changes. You were stagnant for too long. You’re being given the chance to change everything. Embrace it. You always have and you always will thrive in the face of adversity and change. Let the red lights and traffic symbolize your opportunities to slow down and contemplate your next move. Let the lack of parking spots at the hospital remind you that there are a lot of people who need compassion, healing and love right now. Let your anger at the crappy hotels remind you of how much more focused you’ll be in your work so that you can stay in five-star hotels, always going forward. Let the anger you feel be reframed into your superpower because it really is not here to break you … it’s here to propel you forward in the direction of your wildest dreams coming true. Embrace them. Follow them. Soar to the highest heights you can with them. Set yourself free.”
True, true, true story. Even as I type this response to you, my mom is actually still hospitalized and I am in the throes of the reprogramming I just wrote in the preceding paragraph. And there’s something I really want you to know: flipping my thoughts into actionable, positive ones is so empowering and so mesmerizing even to me. Talking to myself in such kind, compassionate, and yet positive ways is so nurturing and so honoring. This is how I talk to myself constantly. I am my own coach and you can be your own coach as well. You don’t need someone like me always by your side, helping you to overcome negative thoughts and experiences. You can begin to do this for yourself as well. Just as I saw stinking thinking coming through, I began to flip those thoughts out of the misery-based ones and into the power-based ones. You can do the same.
So, for example, in the submission you wrote in, you said you don’t feel like real love is in store for you in this life. This may be your perception of your experiences up to this point, but it doesn’t have to continue to be your perception, or your reality. Holding onto that statement as though it’s real and true will always ensure that your experience of love is limited. You must change your thoughts around that if you ever want to have a different experience. For example, rather than feeling sorry for yourself, feel compassion for yourself. Allow yourself to feel the sadness of life and love not unfolding how you’d wish, while simultaneously allowing yourself to be hopeful about the future. In practice, that looks like this: “I feel sadness about not having experienced real love yet. It’s normal to feel sad about something that should be such a given for all. I honor that sadness in me, while simultaneously staying connected to the vision of true love that I hold for me. I know I am loved. I know I’m lovable. I know I’m worthy of being loved, and I’ll continue to do the work to love myself so that someone else can love me as well. I’m so grateful for the love that’s waiting for me; I spend every day preparing myself to be ready to receive it.”
You see, it’s possible to honor our sadness, our humanness, our present circumstance while simultaneously staying connected to the vision of the experience we want to have. This is a powerful state of manifestation. Anytime you begin to find yourself in a state of lack, where all your thoughts and emotions are only focused on what you don’t have, gently bring this to your conscious attention, acknowledging it with grace and compassion for yourself, and then envision the version of experiences you’re looking forward to having. The most powerful state for manifesting what we want is to be grateful for what we have and excited about what’s to come. The reality is that we are all, always, manifesting our realities. We just oftentimes, don’t like what we’ve created. If we want different experiences, we must change our thoughts and change our minds. We each have the power to control that for ourselves.
Also, keep coming back to this website and watching the videos. If you haven’t signed up to get our newsletter, please do so so that I can send inspirational stuff to your email inbox directly. We all know that sometimes it gets hard to stay in a positive place, especially with all the negativity going on in the world, so do your best to stay connected to people who inspire you and people who are doing inspiring things (even if it’s just staying connected to these people and their actions via YouTube videos, social media, websites, books, classes/courses, etc.) As you do so, you will naturally begin to see yourself becoming more inspired as well. It’s a beautiful thing.
And, Bill, thank you for trusting me with your heart, your vulnerability, and your soul. I am so grateful to know that you exist in the world.
Here’s your video:
With love, gratitude, grit, and grace,
UPDATE: After Bill received his response, he wrote this below. With his permission, I’m sharing it:
Christina, I’m lost for words, but I’m going to spew whatever comes out. Your video I had to watch twice. I wrote down your suggestions and I will apply to my daily life. Your video, your meaning, felt so real I started to cry even when I watched it the second time. I saved it so that I could watch it again. This is the first time I truly felt your message of who I am and we never met. That’s an astonishing feeling. I know when I was telling you about the news, isolation, and all that stuff, I was in a dark place and simultaneously you showed up.
Your video, when I started to get emotional, it’s like spiritually you pulled my inner child out of my heart and held him and said you do matter! And you put him back with nothing but love. I’ve never experienced this before but all I can say is with my experience as of today, the darkest hours are right before daylight and Christina, you helped with that in a big way… you just don’t realize.
I guess our higher power puts people in our lives at the right moment. Sometimes we, or at least I, don’t realize it. I know it in my spirit, in my soul, I’m grateful for you being here and carrying the message of love, Christina. I’m so grateful for you! —Bill
