Dear Christina,
My boyfriend of seven months broke up with me on Friday. We did long distance (bordering states) and saw each other about two weekends a month since he’s a Marine. Our relationship seemed healthy, and we discussed plans for engagement when he gets back from deployment (October-April). We talked about our future together while having fun in the present. He said he’s never met anyone like me and our family and friends were big fans of us together. He seems to be avoidant and I seem to be anxious. He said he doesn’t see a future as more than friends because of our long distance situation and his demanding career, which doesn’t align with anything he said ever before. It shocked me that he broke up with me right before spending time with both sides of the family where we would then say goodbye for 6-7 months. He said it has nothing to do with me but his career/distance situation and that he hates to do this and loves me more than he knew possible. Is there hope for us in the future? How do I let him go when this good thing came to an end so quickly? I was certain he was “the one”.
– Mackenzie
Dear Mackenzie,
Thank you for writing in. I can imagine that what you’re going through is not easy. I can also imagine that you may be feeling shocked and slightly sucker punched perhaps, which is understandable.
The quick answer to both of are your questions are as follows: Is there hope for us in the future? Yes. And it’s a resounding yes. You also asked, How do I let him go when this good thing came to an end so quickly? The short answer is that you don’t have to let him go. You can still love him and feel his love for you even though you cannot be together physically at this time. The reason you would want to do this is explained below — and it’s an important one.
In the video I recorded for you, I talk about an old love relationship of mine where my old love and I parted ways and I stayed connected to my love for him and his love for me for three years as I continued on my journey of healing the places within me that he was brought into my life to help me heal. I didn’t date, and I didn’t try to escape the pain of loving someone so much and not having them in my physical world. Not only did this period teach me about what true unconditional love is (loving someone without a single condition on the love, including their physical presence in our lives), it also taught me how to truly love myself, how to comfort and soothe myself, how to overcome my addictions and escapes, and how to stay connected to my pain and allow it to heal me.
Those three years of staying in love with a man who was not a part of my physical reality changed everything about me and my life and it set me up to experience the kind of life and love that’s even better than I ever could have dreamed it could be. I’m eternally grateful to him.
So, although things may seem rough at this present moment, know that everything you’re going through is purposeful and I’ll give you some action steps you can take to shift this experience away from just a painful experience, and into an experience that is also purposeful and intrinsically powerful for you as a human being, and a soul in a human body.
The Soulmate Dynamic
The One or the One Preparing You for the One?
Tools & Strategies to Use
Creating Relationship Pictures
Learning Your Triggers (aka the areas you’re ready to heal) & How to Comfort & Soothe Yourself
Figuring Out Your Three Most Important Questions (MIQs)
I hope this was helpful to you. If you have other questions, feel free to write back in to us as often as you need to. You can submit any follow-up questions either as comments below or through the submission form here.
And don’t try to tackle everything I wrote at once. In fact, it’s likely you may want to return to read this post several times to digest it; there’s A LOT in it and each time you return, if you’re like my other coaching clients, you may get something new from it. 🙂
It was an honor and pleasure to create this free coaching response for you. Thank you for writing in and for trusting me with your question, your pain, and your soul.
With love, gratitude, grit, and grace,
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